Get Off My Lawn and Fix Your Vulnerabilities!

Today, I'm absolutely thrilled to announce our newest innovation in the security space: our new CLI tool, Greybeard. After years of giving polite, professional security advice, we've realized what developers really need is an ornery virtual security expert who tells it like it is.

The Problem with Today's Security Tools

Let's face it – standard security scan outputs are about as exciting as watching paint dry. You get a sterile list of CVEs, severity ratings, and remediation steps. Yawn.

As someone who's spent countless hours reviewing security findings with developers, I've noticed a pattern: the more personality in the delivery, the more likely the message is to stick.

Think about it. Which would you remember more:

1. "Vulnerability detected: CVE-2023-1234 (High)"

2. "WHAT IN TARNATION?! You've got a memory leak the size of Texas! I've seen rookie developers write better code with their eyes closed!"

Enter Greybeard: The Security Tool with a Bad Attitude

Greybeard is a revolutionary CLI tool that wraps Snyk's powerful security scanning capabilities in the personality of that grumpy, seasoned security engineer who's seen it all and is thoroughly unimpressed with your code.

Here's what makes Greybeard special:

• No-nonsense feedback: Greybeard doesn't sugarcoat vulnerabilities – it gives you the unvarnished truth about your security issues.

• Contextual wisdom: With decades of simulated security experience, Greybeard doesn't just identify issues – it provides colorful commentary about why your vulnerability would make any self-respecting security professional weep.

• Motivational insults: Nothing motivates fixing security issues like the digital equivalent of a stern lecture from a disappointed expert.

How Greybeard Works: Basic AI

So, how does Greybeard work? Like everything else in modern times, Greybeard is powered by AI. To use the tool, you need to have an OpenAI API key set in an environment variable named OPENAI_API_KEY.

Greybeard works exactly like the Snyk CLI, and when executed, passes all CLI arguments to the underlying Snyk CLI tool, capturing the original Snyk output and “enhancing” it with our greybeard personality.

The tool is built in Go, is fully open source, runs on Mac, *nix, and Windows, and is easy to install. You can view the GitHub repo here.

Real World Examples

When testing Greybeard internally, we found that developers were 412,025% more likely to remember and fix vulnerabilities when they were reported like this:

====================
LISTEN HERE, YOUNGSTER!
====================

I just found a critical prototype pollution vulnerability in your lodash dependency.
Back in MY day, we vetted our dependencies manually before adding them to our projects!

What are they teaching in coding bootcamps these days?! 
I've seen more secure code written on napkins at the 1999 DefCon!

FIX THIS: npm update lodash to version 4.17.21 or later.

And while you're at it, consider a career in basket weaving instead.
*grumbles incoherently about modern development practices*

The Science of Memorable Security

This isn't just about having fun (though I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy building Greybeard's personality). There's actual psychology behind this approach:

• Information delivered with emotion is processed differently and remembered longer.

• Humor creates positive associations with otherwise tedious security tasks.

• Distinctive, character-driven feedback stands out from the noise of everyday alerts.

How to Get Started with Greybeard

Getting started with Greybeard is easier than convincing me to use a JavaScript framework:

/bin/bash -c "$(curl -fsSL https://raw.githubusercontent.com/snyk-labs/snyk-cli-greybeard/refs/heads/main/install.sh)"

Then simply run:

greybeard

And prepare yourself for some brutally honest security advice.

The Future of Security is... Personality?

While Greybeard might have started as a fun project for April Fool's Day, the underlying idea is serious: making security feedback more engaging, memorable, and effective.

We're genuinely curious to see how developers respond to this approach. Could adding personality to security tools help bridge the gap between security findings and developer action? Could it make security more accessible and less intimidating?

Or will Greybeard simply be remembered as that time Snyk let its Head of Developer Relations go off the deep end with an April Fool's joke?

Only time will tell. In the meantime, get off my lawn and go fix your vulnerabilities!

Snyk CLI Greybeard is an experimental project from Snyk Labs, where we explore new ways to make security more accessible and effective.